Monday, April 24, 2006

soul longing

occasionally i look back and remember my teen years and the angst they included. how important everything seemed. the little dramas that rocked my world. how devastating situations looked at the time. truly, some of those moments were soul-crunching, spirit-dampening, character-forming. but they were all so felt. in maturing, did we lose our ability to be honest about our emotions? are we all a little bit numb?

looking back, i see i was the most numb when i was farthest away from Christ. i was so drawn up and worn down by my own drama that i wasn't touched at all by the pain of those around me. i didn't care too much about anything other than me. and even at that, i threw myself into more drama just so i could feel something through the callous.

then something happened. the layers were painfully torn away. the scales fell off. my old, scarred heart was replaced with a new one. the Holy Spirit rushed in. Christ's recapturing of my heart was dramatic and humbling. and i could feel it all--the painful change and the overwhelming joy. i was given a gift to see people and empathize deeply. that's something i never knew before my life became His life. sometimes that gift is distracting and embarrassing. sometimes i cry on behalf of strangers, but sometimes i labor in tears with a friend. after living for years selling my emotions short, i daily praise my Father for giving me a means to minister sometimes without words. what a precious gift. what a beautiful Savior.

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