Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Placating the Rage

Today was a really long day. I was up MUCH earlier than I've been in a while, didn't eat anything substantive until noon, had 3 times the amount of caffeine I usually ingest, and saw clients for 7 hours of direct service. I came home angry. I wanted to eat everything I really shouldn't have. Everything inside me was impatient and rebelling. I felt like a 4 year old with my self-focused crabbiness, attempting to control any little thing I could. I wanted to decide what we watched on tv, what lighting was on in the living room, where we sat on the couch, what we talked about. It was sick. I tried to placate it with comfort food and entertain it away with mindless tv. It's still here though, clenching my jaw and occupying my mind. I'm gripped.

I'm praying that the challenge of James 4:7-10 would be something I even have the strength to reach up and grab despite fear.

So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet.

Saturday, January 19, 2008


The snow that fell on Monday morning was just gorgeous. Big, fluffy white flakes that stuck to everything. They lay in piles on tops of tree limbs and telephone wires for at least a day after the storm was over. It was amazing to walk around in the winter wonderland during a blessed day off due to that snow. Davis Square was a picture postcard. It was the perfect time to see a movie, breathe in scripture and a book, and just sit to write. Lately, it seems like I have to get out of the house to do that properly. Home is just too distracting.
Tonight I had movie and dinner with a friend. After pulling into the driveway late, I stopped to notice the stars. To some, that's not a big deal, but I live in the city. Seeing stars requires a crystal-clear and cold night sky. It was there tonight. I couldn't see anywhere near the points of light that I once glimpsed lying in the dewy grass of my childhood, but they were there--still and quiet, alongside a moon reflecting the sun back at me with all its might.