i have officially decided to freak myself out by doing things outside my element. that process started over a year ago when i knew i was going to move back here boston. moving meant quitting my job, trusting God for financial support, faith to find a place to live, etc. for a while after i moved, life was under my control again, or so i thought. when i kept making my own decisions, i moved farther away from God and His purposes. i was living a mundane existence for my own enjoyment. and that was just plain lame. God revolutionized that thinking at passion06 (funny how passion has that effect on me) and showed me how He's been working by bringing me out of the comfortable places.
here's the latest 'scary' things:
i'm no longer standing behind other people at work--i'm fully responsible for 21 clinical cases, with more to come. i accepted an offer to teach a graduate level course in behavior analysis during the summer semester. i am a pivotal member of a church plant that's just getting it's feet wet. i joined eharmony and am starting to communicate with guys who i may eventually want to date. i'm looking into actually buying a condo here.
i know many of those things aren't scary to most people, but they are to me. in some ways i'm a walking contradiction--i want stability, but am scared to death of commitment. i think that might arise from the fear of being wrong or imperfect. anyway, making those commitments and sticking my neck out is good for me. it keeps me looking up and trusting God to order my steps. it reminds me that He is always in control and has my best interests in mind. and that's the most comforting place in the world.