Lump in My Throat

As I get older I see that one of life's great challenges for us is to be affected and changed by circumstances and not overwhelmed by them. Those that walk through joy and tragedy unaffected and those who become stuck in the mud of those circumstances are in the same boat. They've missed the point. There is a time to cry and a time to rejoice. Sometimes those come close in succession. And other times wide apart. But we must feel, contemplate, learn, and grow. That is essential to knowing our mission and essential to knowing God. It seems to me that so many false philosophies, worldviews, and religions are built out of either being disaffected or bogged down by one's path in life.

I feel like I've lived the experiences of 20 people in the past 18 months. I haven't been given the time I want to contemplate those circumstances, but maybe that has prevented the mud problem. The things that have happened are also so close to my core that I couldn't have ignored them if I tried. God is pressing me toward a challenging life that's destined to know Him more. I'm truly being propelled toward Him and desparately separated from my own flesh. I don't think I could even hold on to who I was an hour ago if I tried. It's not that I feel out of control, but rather I feel like I'm being drawn to God by the strongest magnet you could ever imagine. I have to admit that this is more than a frightening experience in the sense of the sheer awesomeness of it all. Why is He gracing me with such an honor to know Him? That is so unfathomable. But deeper and deeper I go into His depths, racing through all the refining tragedy and joy I could ever imagine, recognizing it's a shaping force. I am not who I was an hour ago. He is reforming my mind. He is setting my feet upon a rock and lighting my path. He is calling me for a vision that's requiring such refining. The training must equal the weight of the task.

I'm glad I'm sitting down because in a moment I will be face-down.