New Life

Since the last time I wrote, the Republican contest became no contest at all and Barack Obama rolled over Hillary Clinton in state after state. Whoda thunk it?

During that time, we also experienced Valentine's Day, where Stacey, Sarah, and I enjoyed sharing Snoopy valentines and peppermint patties with lovely patrons at our favorite watering hole. It got so slow in there later into the night that we numbered among the 15 faithful at the bar. It was fun, however, since the band played whatever we wanted to hear. We stayed later than ever, partly because it was enjoyable, and partly out of guilt over removing 20% of the pub's occupants at one time. A major blow. :)

ALSO...I drove to Buffalo for the first time in ages to be there while Gabby delivered her sweet little boy. I played helper for a few days to keep the house and dogs in decent order until she and Elijah Jacob made their way home. He came into the world at 20 inches & 8lbs 2oz at 6:36am on February 17th. I was sleeping then. Figures.

My godson is a rock star. Can't you tell already?

Vote

I was voter #145 at the Beechwood Knoll School. Go vote.

The Battle is Real

An evening out with a believing friend to read and study the Bible with a Guinness on the table was never meant to turn into anything more than that. But it has.

Over the last 3 weeks, a partner in ministry and I have been spending Thursday evenings at an unassuming Irish pub in the city. The energy of studying the Word in that place has been electric and that vibe seems to have primed the pump of some faith-focused conversations with "random" people. We are building a relationship with our waiter Zach, who only works at the place on Thursday nights. We are getting to know the great cover band that plays there as a regular gig--they want us to sing with them!

This past week, my friend met a girl at the retail store where she works, and they bonded over a shared area code from a former state. She just moved to Boston after Thanksgiving and doesn't really know many people yet. They began talking about faith and my friend invited her to come to study/hang/talk with us on Thursday at the usual locale. When my friend and I arrived there last night, Zach told us he received an email that day from a friend that he met at training for his day job. Apparently his friend's girlfriend was planning on meeting up with 2 girls at that very pub. It didn't take much of a leap to figure out that we were those girls. WOW! I was really floored by that 'coincidence'...God was confirming His call for us to be at this place.

The girl was never able to make it last night, but it was the first time my friend and I prayed outloud in the bar. We both had the sense that we needed to do that. I'm really glad that we had since a couple of things happened to show us that the enemy isn't really pleased about our mission. My friend went outside to chat with the aforementioned girl on the phone since it was too loud in there. She was accosted by some inebriated guys outside the place. Then, I got asked to dance (which also happened last week)...but this time it was different. I felt weird about it because the guy was an obviously big-money master of the universe. A devil dressed in a well-tailored suit, complete with initials embroidered on his sleeve. Definitely good looking and as it turned out, definitely married. I didn't realize this right away, but when I did I wanted to vomit. I couldn't wait for the song to end and to get the heck out of there. I was pretty shaken...enough to pray with my friend when we got to the T stop.

After I repeatedly called on the Lord for truth to overcome lies, I realized these direct attacks were not an accident. It's not a mistake that I never get a second glance from guys (especially when I am not giving a rip about my appearance) until we're in a place specifically to bring Light there. I am so much more aware now of the battle at hand...and that my friend and I need more prayer covering than we can provide on our own. There's something big beginning to shift that we just seemed to stumble over. Lord, provide us believers to be in faithful in interceding on our behalf every week on Thursday nights. It's just not an option to be without it anymore.

Placating the Rage

Today was a really long day. I was up MUCH earlier than I've been in a while, didn't eat anything substantive until noon, had 3 times the amount of caffeine I usually ingest, and saw clients for 7 hours of direct service. I came home angry. I wanted to eat everything I really shouldn't have. Everything inside me was impatient and rebelling. I felt like a 4 year old with my self-focused crabbiness, attempting to control any little thing I could. I wanted to decide what we watched on tv, what lighting was on in the living room, where we sat on the couch, what we talked about. It was sick. I tried to placate it with comfort food and entertain it away with mindless tv. It's still here though, clenching my jaw and occupying my mind. I'm gripped.

I'm praying that the challenge of James 4:7-10 would be something I even have the strength to reach up and grab despite fear.

So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet.

Beauty

The snow that fell on Monday morning was just gorgeous. Big, fluffy white flakes that stuck to everything. They lay in piles on tops of tree limbs and telephone wires for at least a day after the storm was over. It was amazing to walk around in the winter wonderland during a blessed day off due to that snow. Davis Square was a picture postcard. It was the perfect time to see a movie, breathe in scripture and a book, and just sit to write. Lately, it seems like I have to get out of the house to do that properly. Home is just too distracting.

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Tonight I had movie and dinner with a friend. After pulling into the driveway late, I stopped to notice the stars. To some, that's not a big deal, but I live in the city. Seeing stars requires a crystal-clear and cold night sky. It was there tonight. I couldn't see anywhere near the points of light that I once glimpsed lying in the dewy grass of my childhood, but they were there--still and quiet, alongside a moon reflecting the sun back at me with all its might.

Lift

The ball just dropped. It's officially a brand-spanking new year. A whole new start. A palate cleanser. A breath of fresh air. I can't help but be hopeful while I sit in my living room, watching Boston fireworks and sipping a perfectly poured cosmo. As I just described it to a friend, a distinct and profound sense of hope is in my heart.

Thank you God for 2007. A year so full of ups and downs, but one where You were clearly present. People I love came in and out of my life in dramatic fashion. Vision birthed years ago was confirmed and cemented. Great broad hope for the future arrived even today. Thank you Lord for all of these past 365 days!

Can I take this serious moment to give a shout out to New Year's Day marathons? Holy crap! Classic Twilight Zone marathon on SciFi!!! The BEST show ever.

Pondering...

I had a great conversation with my pastor yesterday, talking about my place/position in our little house church. We looked forward to the future and what that might look like for me. And he brought up something that seems smallish, but an idea that I started pondering a couple months ago--about moving into Boston proper. It's something I've wanted to do, but I love living where I do now. The very idea of moving makes me exhausted. I can't even clean my room at this point. God, I know that this is what you have for me in June, please don't let my comfort get in the way of Your working.

First Snow

Our first major snow of the season was good enough to grant me a free half day since one of the districts I service closed. We got about 3 inches here, but more up to the north and west. It wasn't snowing at all by the time I got off to my 10am appointment, but a yucky mix of rain and sleet was falling. It just started snowing again about 30 minutes ago and it's just gorgeous. Big, puffy flakes that mean Christmas. I'm listening to Christmas music and just enjoying my afternoon, doing a little work, but mostly taking a moment to breathe. Thank you God for this unexpected, beautiful Sabbath rest that I needed. Thank you for providing for all my needs, even when I don't know or acknowledge them.

Take This Bread

I just finished the book Take This Bread by Sara Miles last night. It has refreshed in me the idea of conversion as a process and our following of Christ as a journey. I don't think I yet have the words to describe this book's impact, despite my disagreement with some of the author's theology, but it's going to stay with me and hopefully motivate Godward change in my life.

Here's a taste from page 97 to challenge you:

"Conversion isn't, after all, a moment: It's a process, and it keeps happening, with cycles of acceptace and resistance, epiphany and doubt. As I struggled with bread and wine and belief over the following year at St Gregory's, it stayed hard. I began to understand why so many people chose to be 'born again' and follow strict rules that would tell them what to do, once and for all. It was tempting to rely on a formula--'accepting Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior,' for example--that became itself a form of idolatry and kept you from experiencing God in your flesh, in the complicated flesh of others. It was tempting to proclain yourself 'saved' and go back to sleep.

The faith I was finding was jagged and more difficult. It wasn't about abstract theological debates: Does God exist? Are sin and salvation predestined? Or even about political/ideological ones: Is capital punishment a sin? Is there a scriptural foundation for accepting homosexuality?

It was about action. Taste and see, the Bible said, and I did. I was tasting a connection between communion and food--between my burgeoning religion and my real life. My first, questioning year at church ended with a question whose urgency would propel me into work I'd never imagined: Now that you've taken the bread, what are you going to do?"
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These beautiful and honest thoughts speak to the heart of how I'm beginning to envision Chrisitanity. We are not just a group of people who gather in a building once a week, listening, singing, and talking to one another. We cannot just walk out of that building thinking that time is the end of our spiritual work. That and striving to meet rule requirements is an adventure in mission the point.

My desire is to know Scripture more, teach it well, but never forget the passion of the often stumbling adventure as I journey alongside of Christ. There is wonderment here and a whole lot of uncertainty. Maybe all the time I've spent maligning my swings in faith from complete trust to barely hanging on was pointless because it's all a learning experience. Maybe remembering it's not about perfection is the biggest lesson so that I can truly be humble.

Woah God. You're blowing my mind.

Trips and Unexpected Interruptions

Due to my lack of consistent wifi on my recent trip to Buffalo, the blogging has lagged. I caught a neighbor's signal for a little while last week, but it faded and I lost a whole rant. It was pretty scathing, so I think it's just as well lost in cyberspace.

Last week's trip back the hometown was rough on a lot of levels. I really don't have family there anymore, so I stayed with my best friend from high school. She's going through a huge life transition, as she just discovered her pregnancy (about 6 months in), is dealing with this alongside a boyfriend who is pretty supportive, but having to navigate sharing their house with her boyfriend's brother. Let's just say he's more than a little tough to get along with. My vacation wasn't much of a break after all--I think my working/ministry/school/friend juggling is more peaceful than staying in that unsettled household for a week. I loved on and prayed for them all the while, but it was still a struggle. BUT, it made me so, so thankful for all that exists for me here in Boston: work that pays way more than I need, a true fellowship of believers in community, a living situation that is pleasant to come home to, etc, etc. Flying in last Friday night was so very sweet. Everytime I see the skyline again my heart gets so full. Sometimes being here is difficult, but I have a passionate love for this city. Boston to me is like New York to Carrie Bradshaw, but for reasons much broader and deeper than hers.
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One of my gracious readers made note that I never directly blogged about what happened at Cafe Rossini a few weeks back, so here's the scoop:

Stacey stayed over Saturday night and we decided to head over to Rossini for some good coffee and muffins before we had community cleanup Sunday afternoon. I'd been in the place a couple times before since it's just on the other side of the yoga place, about a block from my apartment. Stacey brought her bible & journal while I had most of the Sunday Globe with me.

The owner at Rossini is a soup nazi-type who barks orders at her help. She's been in there every time I've stopped in. We've chatted briefly before, but nothing more than pleasantries and to complement her baked goods. She seems to enjoy talking to all her customers and sometimes butting in on interesting conversations.

That's exactly what happened when Stacey and I were there. We both didn't pay much attention to our reading, but talked about the chapter in Acts I was going to teach that night, along with other issues of life as a believer, including how to deal with the sexual sin of those around us. We were starting to wind up our time and began reading an article about the misspending scandal at Oral Roberts University. I mentioned it to Stacey and the cafe owner jumped right in. She talked about the tragedy of all these preachers getting caught doing so many wrong things, her own experience with ministers that live a double life, her admiration for Billy Graham (her mom took her to some Crusades when she was a kid that she said deeply impacted her), how her brother who claims to be a believer hasn't spoken to her in 20 years, how she used to study the Bible, how her longtime friend ended their friendship due to her acceptance of her friend's gay son. It went on and on. A fountain of years of hurt and frustration with the church, both Catholic and Protestant, spouted from this woman in the span of 10 minutes. I was pretty dumbfounded, as was Stacey. We just let her keep talking. The vulnerability of such a hard-headed stranger was bizarre to me. Unfortuately, we had to go, but were able to end the conversation on a good note.

I vowed to become more of a regular, but I haven't. I can blame schedule chaos and vacation, but something else is in play. Knowing her would be hard. She's not on her knees begging for Christ. She's angry. She's hurt. I represent the church that has betrayed her. I doubt myself--how can I possibly be the light that shows her the truth of the Gospel beyond all the muddying created by human hands? That's a huge responsibility. But I know that's what He's calling me to do.

Just writing this out has reminded me about those moments and granted me clarity about Christ's mission for my week in Buffalo--He was teaching me about loving those with His love that I find are hard to love. Wow. Talk about a shift in perspective.

Susan, thanks for reminding me to write about this. You are the accountability I didn't even know I needed.

Undone

I found an article on the Relevant Magazine site today that speaks directly to me about my calling and heart for people in Boston. Specifically, it clearly relates to my experience at Cafe Rossini on Sunday. May there be many more moments like that one.
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There was so much more I wanted to say to her, to ask her and to pray over her. My heart burned with compassion. But for some reason, it was left unsaid. In retrospect, I think God purposely caused me to leave things unsaid. Outreach, in its truest form, should leave many things undone in our hearts. It should leave us burning to give more, to say more, to pray more readily and more fervently. It should leave us desiring to be there every weekend or every day, not just once a month. It should leave us wanting to venture beyond the fences we have constructed and realizing that the only place for us is in the center of God's will.

I serve a God who breaks the rules every day, who invades our universe and pulls us close to Him, dancing on the wrong side of the fence. He's beckoning us to join in a wonderfully undignified, epic story, to add our culture and our stories to one another, and to join in the beautiful diversity of humanity.

All this simultaneously scares me and stirs me. I love it.

The Stories of Our Lives--Beginning of the Weekly Praise List

For lauding myself as an observer and chronicler of life, I've been doing a pretty poor job of it lately. I was in a meeting today talking about sharing our God-stories. It reminded me that that is what I created this blog to be--a place where I can come and narrate the beautiful tapestry that God is weaving of my life. But I forget. A lot. I get too busy. I don't see His hand moving.

These last 2 weeks have been ridiculously tremendous. I've seen God pour blessing upon blessing over me through multiple opportunities to serve and minister. I've known what it really feels like to work inside your gifting. I've had a little taste of this before in Poland, volunteering at Passion, and sometimes with work. But this has been like pure adrenaline injected in my veins. In the midst of feeling unsure of how to proceed in a situation, I literally feel the presence of the Spirit within me, filling me with power, wisdom, and peace. This is an experience without words to truly match it. Taste and see...

Highlights of the week:
-Getting SO much work done in so little time
-Helping families recognize progress in their children and finding joy in that
-Praying with my church family
-Giving a presentation to parents
-Having my plans spoiled a bit; missing an opportunity, but being able to recognize it was missed
-Rocking out and worshiping with The Myriad, Phil Wickham, and Crowder with LOTS of others
-Meeting Stacey's friend from Starbucks who was also, in fact, my cyber-friend
-Picking out new glasses!
-Progressive dinner: meeting new friends and having 30 people at our apartment--crazy!
-Seeing in living color a local business-owner's desperate need for the healing love of Christ and my part in sharing that love
-Cleaning up trash on a blustery day with some awesome friends
-Getting to meet a guy with special needs who asked me a billion questions but wouldn't tell me his name
-Teaching the truth of the Word to a family room full of people
-Making Jon laugh
-giving Rob a hug after everything

I could seriously go on and on. This was just last Monday to Sunday. I need to keep doing this.

God is just so immeasurably good. Praise His Name!

The Glory of It All

God is so good. He is a rescuer and restorer of souls. He is the only one who will never hurt us or disappoint. Father, thanks for being so obviously present in my day today. Thanks for using who you made me to be to touch hearts in some small way. Things will never be the same.

Red Sox Nation

I've never been what could be considered a baseball fan. Despite attending AAA Buffalo Bisons games as a kid, I never really got into the sport. I thought it was pretty boring, to be honest. My dad never really watched baseball when I was young, from what I can remember. We were always an NFL football family, and that, with college basketball, was what we watched.

But then I moved to Boston for the second time. Somehow I caught the Red Sox bug, despite the fact that they seem to find a way to lose every time I step into Fenway (including Jacoby Ellsbury's major league debut against the Texas Rangers). I actually watched a few games this year and got into it during the playoffs. It helps having 2 roommates that are rabid fans.

So, here I sit on the day of the 2007 World Series victory parade watching Fever Pitch.

I love this town.

Oh Great God...

He is truly the provider of all good things. Man, it just keeps coming. In the midst of my exhaustion, He decided to show up with a group of us picking up trash in our church's neighborhood. To many people, today might not have seemed like a big deal, but it was the beginnings of lightning striking ground like Piper talked about on Saturday morning. It was a beautiful thing that almost all of our students who were at Passion took part in serving today. God is good, and He's promised so much more.

More came tonight at church. It was the first time we gathered all together after the weekend at Baxter and Passion. The words of hope, confirmation, and mission spoken in that room tonight were thickly evident with the Holy Spirit's work. To just sit in there and hear all of those thoughts and stories was really humbling. My heart resonated so much with all of them that I was in tears most of the time. So, so beautiful.

I love this city and the students here so much. Today was clear evidence that we're all on-board with God's movement here. God, keep pressing us forward into becoming the people that You use to revolutionize this city. Keep us on our knees. Reveal Yourself in new ways through Your Word. Make us humble servants. Show us the hard decisions that must be made to live lives of those who passionately run after You.

There is none like You.

Hosanna!

I've been in a blogging drought, but I have a feeling that's about to change.

From where I sit right now, my body is completely exhausted after 2-15 & 16 hour days of standing, running, talking, laughing, and crying at Passion:Boston. I've volunteered before, but this experience was nothing like I've experienced in the past. I'm still dumbfounded by and in awe of what very little I've begun to process through.

God showed up in my city. I don't think I ever doubted that He is here, but the last 2 days of seeing students from here lifting praise after praise....well, that just busted open my paradigm (again). Maybe I too have fallen into the lie that Boston is such a "hard" place--insinuating that it is outside the reach of God's hand. Maybe I'm more stuck on numbers and results that I knew. Maybe I need to really, truly, let go of my ideas about what God is doing here among students and just be a part of leading them out into it.

Things are much clearer today than they've been in SUCH a long time. I am absolutely, overwhelming grateful for the presence of God. He is the KING over this map of little green and red pins that represent the campuses of Boston & Cambridge. He's got a divine purpose for each one of those pins and all those students they represent.

This city on a hill is primed for a revolution through which millions of lives will be changed forever.

Save us now, for we need a rescue that isn't temporary, but the only cure for endlessly seeking souls.

Hosanna.

None But Jesus

In the quiet
In the stillness
I know, that you are God
In the secret
Of your presence
There I am restored

When you call I won't refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring him praise

In the chaos
In confusion, I know
You’re sovereign still
In the moment
Of my weakness
You give, me grace to do your will

So when you call I won’t delay
This my song, through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring him praise

All my delight is in you Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in you Lord
Forevermore

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring him praise

Let God Arise

Tomorrow (aka today since I can't seem to get my butt to bed) is going to mark a milestone in my life....I'm leading a possibly large group of people in prayer. I've given presentations a million times and been on stage in dramas, but this is scary for me. I know that God has called me to preach to the prodigals, but this is the first time I've had the chance to put it into practice. I'm afraid of doing something wrong--somehow not honoring God as He deserves to be honored....but maybe that's the wrong focus. Maybe, just maybe, the act of humbling myself to get up there and chance that possibility of imperfection is how God wants to be honored. Maybe it's poetic justice that the prayer supports a lesson about getting in line with becoming who God desires to use for His glory.

Let God arise.

Download Festival 2007

Bang Camaro (20 guys on stage)







Band of Horses











Lap steel goodness (check the video)

I'm going to bed...

...but be prepared for another post tomorrow, regaling you with photos and videos from the Download Festival. It was nothing short of awesome.

Now I must ignore the neighbors being loud on their back porch (a downside of attempting to sleep on a city summer weekend night) and go to bed. I am completely freaking exhausted.