I am officially burnt out.
I don't feel good at anything right now. I spent most of today researching new ideas for a behavior plan and I came up with nothing. I feel like I'm dropping the ball with ministry stuff too. I'm just off in a way I can't describe or understand.
I do have moments here and there that I catch a glimpse of myself in my element--in conversation with Ben about college ministry and in conversation with my neighbor Julie about the grant project I worked with in Florida. But those moments are few and far between now.
The kicker of it all is that I don't know what's wrong and I can't seem to fix it. I have no brilliant solutions for myself or anyone else. I have little confidence in my ideas or thought processes. It's like someone poked a hole in me and I'm slowly losing air.
Most of the time I'm just numb to it, functioning OK and doing what I need to do every day, but there are days where it just hits me. Today was one of those days. A conversation at a meeting and working on this behavior plan kept me inside and hiding all day.
It's so hard to not know what I need, because if I knew I could ask for it. I'm treading water, drifting farther and farther away from shore. I know it's dangerous but I'm paralyzed from swimming somehow.
I keep crying out to God for some realization or direction and I'm not hearing a response. I know I need Him more than anything else, but there's a blockage I don't understand. When I think about people from the Bible like Joseph and Job who went through long periods of difficulty and confusion I am encouraged, but I forget it all so fast. There is greater purpose in this and there's definitely a war that I can't see that's affecting me. I hate the enemy so much for distracting and discouraging me, but I know God has a greater plan for it all.
Maybe I need to claim His victory more often and rejoice that my life is in His hands. To proclaim His name and fame. To remember every second that I am NOT just a sum of my deeds but so much more than that. To stare in the face of opposition knowing that I don't fight battles alone--curse the enemy speaking that lie in my ear!
This is a pep talk for me and everyone else who is feeling overwhelmed. We can cling to the cross together--we can rejoice more loudly because we are unable to do anything in our own strength.
"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins." (2 Pet 1:3-9, NIV)
"Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God. The best invitation we ever received! We were also given absolutely terrific promises to pass on to you—your tickets to participation in the life of God after you turned your back on a world corrupted by lust.
So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can't see what's right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books." (2 Pet 1:3-9, MSG)
I think I just found some verses to memorize....
Monday, May 25, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Call Revisited
Chris gave us an assignment this week--to remember why God called us to Boston. I put it off until tonight. I had lots of important things to do, like obsess about cleaning the stainless steel fridge and rearrange all the pictures on it so they are lovely geometric collages. Yeah, important.
So I finally dug out old journals tonight. It firstly reminded me that I should write more. I journaled a little bit then and I do it even less now. Argh...what stuff am I forgetting? It also reminded me that I can be incredibly misguided. Another argh. But then I got to the good part--the list of what God showed me at Passion05. That was where God called me to Boston. It was incredibly moving to read that list over again, especially in light of the cynical journal entry from one of the days just before the conference. I was definitely brought right back to those amazing days.
Honestly, this Boston journey hasn't gone as I would have planned for myself. It has been an intensely shaping, growing, and stretching experience. Despite that, I still often feel like I am not truly sharing in Christ's sufferings in this place. That there is something more that God needs me to learn about carrying Christ in my everyday life. All I still know is that He wants me to continue learning in this place. To continue contextualizing the Gospel to those I meet, pray over, drink coffee with, and love. May my awe at God's call be as fresh on March 30, 2009 as it was on January 5, 2005. Fouryearsthreemonthstwenty-five days is less than a breath to You...You havebeenarewillbeworking in Boston calling people to Yourself, somehow using me in that process. Amen.
So I finally dug out old journals tonight. It firstly reminded me that I should write more. I journaled a little bit then and I do it even less now. Argh...what stuff am I forgetting? It also reminded me that I can be incredibly misguided. Another argh. But then I got to the good part--the list of what God showed me at Passion05. That was where God called me to Boston. It was incredibly moving to read that list over again, especially in light of the cynical journal entry from one of the days just before the conference. I was definitely brought right back to those amazing days.
Honestly, this Boston journey hasn't gone as I would have planned for myself. It has been an intensely shaping, growing, and stretching experience. Despite that, I still often feel like I am not truly sharing in Christ's sufferings in this place. That there is something more that God needs me to learn about carrying Christ in my everyday life. All I still know is that He wants me to continue learning in this place. To continue contextualizing the Gospel to those I meet, pray over, drink coffee with, and love. May my awe at God's call be as fresh on March 30, 2009 as it was on January 5, 2005. Fouryearsthreemonthstwenty-five days is less than a breath to You...You havebeenarewillbeworking in Boston calling people to Yourself, somehow using me in that process. Amen.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Passion 2010 Webcast
The Passion 2010 live launch webcast was Monday night and I was so excited for it. Despite my nagging cold/flu, the equally sick Stacey and I laid on my bed, staring at laptops and worshipped Jesus together. Louie Giglio, Chris Tomlin, and Matt Redman led worship in a super low-tech (for Passion) night hosted in the 'big room' at the Passion House in Alpharetta, GA. There was no giant stadium or massive field to kick off this season of leaning into God calling students for 4 days of worship and rearranging of hearts.
It was awesome to hear them sing off key once in a while and have technical problems. These people are not perfect megastars (not that they ever say they are), but just people God has called to stand in the spotlight for this generation. Stace and I loved every minute of it because it felt a lot like our local fellowship here in the living room down the street.
As a part of signing on to the webcast, you could input your name, campus, and city. Northeastern U got a shout out, which I thought was pretty awesome. At another point in the night, Louie asked for people who are leaders that have been affected by Passion as students to email in prayer requests. Stacey somehow blazed off an amazing email and she was prayed for by name by one of the Passion staff members during the webcast. Additionally, Louie posted nearly the entirety of her email in his blog post the next day. She has been asking God lately for more people to pray for her and our ministry with college students in Boston--God certainly answered in a big way since the webcast and Louie's blog are viewed by a huge audience!
Also amazing was the fact that the discount registration for the event was opened that night. I needed to reserve 10 spots since that's what I felt like God was telling me to do. Only the first 1000 registrations would go for the $99 price. Well, by God's grace we got all 10 of those spots for that price! As Louie's blog stated the next day, those 1000 were gone in 7 minutes 8 seconds. Praise God that I can type quickly and that Stacey manned the computer when I left for a bathroom break!!
It truly was a lot of emotion packed into only 90 minutes of worship and prayer. I'm so thankful that God can use technology to unite hearts from all around the globe. If Passion is able to post the stream again, it would be worth watching!
It was awesome to hear them sing off key once in a while and have technical problems. These people are not perfect megastars (not that they ever say they are), but just people God has called to stand in the spotlight for this generation. Stace and I loved every minute of it because it felt a lot like our local fellowship here in the living room down the street.
As a part of signing on to the webcast, you could input your name, campus, and city. Northeastern U got a shout out, which I thought was pretty awesome. At another point in the night, Louie asked for people who are leaders that have been affected by Passion as students to email in prayer requests. Stacey somehow blazed off an amazing email and she was prayed for by name by one of the Passion staff members during the webcast. Additionally, Louie posted nearly the entirety of her email in his blog post the next day. She has been asking God lately for more people to pray for her and our ministry with college students in Boston--God certainly answered in a big way since the webcast and Louie's blog are viewed by a huge audience!
Also amazing was the fact that the discount registration for the event was opened that night. I needed to reserve 10 spots since that's what I felt like God was telling me to do. Only the first 1000 registrations would go for the $99 price. Well, by God's grace we got all 10 of those spots for that price! As Louie's blog stated the next day, those 1000 were gone in 7 minutes 8 seconds. Praise God that I can type quickly and that Stacey manned the computer when I left for a bathroom break!!
It truly was a lot of emotion packed into only 90 minutes of worship and prayer. I'm so thankful that God can use technology to unite hearts from all around the globe. If Passion is able to post the stream again, it would be worth watching!
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Jesus Threw Me In the River
I don't think I can do justice to my thoughts right now, having arrived home just over an hour ago, completely exhausted mentally and physically. I'm overwhelmingly thankful for all who were holding me up in prayer this weekend. I felt it and it made all the difference.
This weekend was a woah moment. I knew God had a lot to teach me and prepare me for, but it was unlike what I expected. I truly learned what it was like to approach students where they were from a position of humility and an openness to dialog. If you know me, you know I love being right. The truth of the Gospel is so important that it often becomes the ultimate "right." Many times the shape of that results in condemnation--more often than not driving people away from Christ. Well, God drove any need to be correct out of my heart this weekend. I found the humanly impossible balance of speaking truth with love. I listened way more than I spoke, but when I spoke, students (and others) listened.
I feel so incredibly blessed to have been used in this way. It was probably some of the most challenging days of my life, but I saw Jesus covering everything. It gives me faith and assurance that God can always work through me like that--when I have a willing and yielded spirit.
I want to be able to continue the conversations that began with so many. There was little idle talk amongst the group--they came to the table hungry. Pray alongside me that I would continue to have contact with all of these students with whom I was able to have more extended conversation:
-Paul
-Evan
-Reema
-Carolyn
-Brandon
-Jenny
-Alby
-Amber
-Honor
-Jay
-Harsheet
-Elaf
-Michelle
-Malcolm
-Drew
Several of these students "ended up" in the small group discussions I led, at my workshop, sitting next to me in big sessions, and at my meal table time and again. Nearly all of them do not have Christ at the center of their lives, but they are thirsty to drink from a well that does not run dry. They are hungry to taste and see. They desire wholeheartedly to do justice and love mercy. The piece that is missing is the Lord and walking humbly with Him. May these students be specifically connected to me or other students or people of faith who can walk alongside them in their journey toward Christ. Praise God that He is in control and desires for all to come to Him!
I am so thankful that I am able to be a small part of His movement at Northeastern and in Boston. He is truly mighty to save. He is bigger than the air we breathe.
This weekend was a woah moment. I knew God had a lot to teach me and prepare me for, but it was unlike what I expected. I truly learned what it was like to approach students where they were from a position of humility and an openness to dialog. If you know me, you know I love being right. The truth of the Gospel is so important that it often becomes the ultimate "right." Many times the shape of that results in condemnation--more often than not driving people away from Christ. Well, God drove any need to be correct out of my heart this weekend. I found the humanly impossible balance of speaking truth with love. I listened way more than I spoke, but when I spoke, students (and others) listened.
I feel so incredibly blessed to have been used in this way. It was probably some of the most challenging days of my life, but I saw Jesus covering everything. It gives me faith and assurance that God can always work through me like that--when I have a willing and yielded spirit.
I want to be able to continue the conversations that began with so many. There was little idle talk amongst the group--they came to the table hungry. Pray alongside me that I would continue to have contact with all of these students with whom I was able to have more extended conversation:
-Paul
-Evan
-Reema
-Carolyn
-Brandon
-Jenny
-Alby
-Amber
-Honor
-Jay
-Harsheet
-Elaf
-Michelle
-Malcolm
-Drew
Several of these students "ended up" in the small group discussions I led, at my workshop, sitting next to me in big sessions, and at my meal table time and again. Nearly all of them do not have Christ at the center of their lives, but they are thirsty to drink from a well that does not run dry. They are hungry to taste and see. They desire wholeheartedly to do justice and love mercy. The piece that is missing is the Lord and walking humbly with Him. May these students be specifically connected to me or other students or people of faith who can walk alongside them in their journey toward Christ. Praise God that He is in control and desires for all to come to Him!
I am so thankful that I am able to be a small part of His movement at Northeastern and in Boston. He is truly mighty to save. He is bigger than the air we breathe.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Church Planting and Faith
I think God can use you wherever. Big or a small city. I don’t think planting should be too comfortable. It has to come with risks. It is going to be uncomfortable. The best is when it does not make a whole lot of sense on paper. I think the doors are open. I don’t wait for God to open doors. I think they are always open. I would rather start heading down a path instead of waiting until I think a door is open, I will stop when I visibly see a shut door. What about you?
--Craig Gross of XXXchurch.com on church planting, emphasis mine
This encourages me at the juncture we're at as a community, just venturing out on the second plant. This also speaks to me as a follower of Christ, who has learned to trust Him more as my faith expands. Every single time I walk out into something new, with or without vision to do it, it has been the right thing, or God has course-corrected me in some way. There's a ton of comfort in that. God wants us to trust Him and do what a lot of others think is crazy. He doesn't want us to have comfortable, "normal" lives--He wants us to be in what Louie Giglio has described as the crazy rapids of a river that is His plan. It's an adventure I don't want to be on the banks just watching. I want to be in there, despite fears, tendencies to avoid failure, and desire for self-preservation.
Remember what Jesus said about losing our lives? I think He was right. He always is.
--Craig Gross of XXXchurch.com on church planting, emphasis mine
This encourages me at the juncture we're at as a community, just venturing out on the second plant. This also speaks to me as a follower of Christ, who has learned to trust Him more as my faith expands. Every single time I walk out into something new, with or without vision to do it, it has been the right thing, or God has course-corrected me in some way. There's a ton of comfort in that. God wants us to trust Him and do what a lot of others think is crazy. He doesn't want us to have comfortable, "normal" lives--He wants us to be in what Louie Giglio has described as the crazy rapids of a river that is His plan. It's an adventure I don't want to be on the banks just watching. I want to be in there, despite fears, tendencies to avoid failure, and desire for self-preservation.
Remember what Jesus said about losing our lives? I think He was right. He always is.
Monday, February 02, 2009
No, I Didn't Eat Too Much 7-Layer Dip...
I can't fall asleep, but it's one of those good, amazing things because Jesus is the reason for it. I feel like a kid anticipating Christmas or a big snow day.
My heart is just so full right now. I can't even describe why, but I just feel so loved and see so much love around. I know that's altogether far more mushy than I ever am, but it's what I feel.
calm
safety
peace
anticipation
joy
love
I can't help but ask the Lord what He's up to. He's giving me a clue in some ways, but I'm disappointed with my ability to express it all right now. Let's suffice it to say that I'm putting a stake in the ground today by this post. I feel the lift in the sails. I don't know all the details of where we're going but the journey is taking off.
I AM SO EXCITED!
My heart is just so full right now. I can't even describe why, but I just feel so loved and see so much love around. I know that's altogether far more mushy than I ever am, but it's what I feel.
calm
safety
peace
anticipation
joy
love
I can't help but ask the Lord what He's up to. He's giving me a clue in some ways, but I'm disappointed with my ability to express it all right now. Let's suffice it to say that I'm putting a stake in the ground today by this post. I feel the lift in the sails. I don't know all the details of where we're going but the journey is taking off.
I AM SO EXCITED!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Lessons from the Backyard
I watched the tail-less squirrel today who lives outside my window. He was happily leaping on fallen logs between sleet and freezing raindrops. He was out there living out his purpose among fiery cardinals, squawking blue jays, and ordinary sparrows. He wasn't ashamed of his missing tail at all. He just kept scavenging and running and doing things squirrels do that I don't understand.
We human beings have a blessing and a curse. We have the knowledge of good and evil. We are aware when things are wrong. We can choose to be disconnected from our creator. But we can conversely choose to be intimately connected and in relationship with Him.
Sometimes I want to be like my backyard squirrel--blissfully unaware that I'm not whole and just living the way it always is at the same time. Thankfully, I'm not created to ignore my missing piece nor function obliviously. When I attempt to do that I become as shallow as a squirrel. My humanity dies a little bit.
But when I plunge into the messiness of grasping a relationship with the Divine One who perfectly fits what's missing, who grants purpose, who provides meaning, who allows for all my pushing and fighting and desire for control...that's what it means to know God.
We human beings have a blessing and a curse. We have the knowledge of good and evil. We are aware when things are wrong. We can choose to be disconnected from our creator. But we can conversely choose to be intimately connected and in relationship with Him.
Sometimes I want to be like my backyard squirrel--blissfully unaware that I'm not whole and just living the way it always is at the same time. Thankfully, I'm not created to ignore my missing piece nor function obliviously. When I attempt to do that I become as shallow as a squirrel. My humanity dies a little bit.
But when I plunge into the messiness of grasping a relationship with the Divine One who perfectly fits what's missing, who grants purpose, who provides meaning, who allows for all my pushing and fighting and desire for control...that's what it means to know God.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The World, Heaven, and Me
Jesus has been rocking my world in a quiet way lately. I'm not sure how all the pieces will fit together just yet, but humor me in my journey to try to step back a bit and examine what we have so far...
So, Friday night Rob called out of the blue and asked me to share my story. It's been a long time since I've done a complete overview of my life. It had a pretty profound affect on me to remember all of the beauty and pain that's been contained in my life. To be reminded again of God's abiding work in and through me. I was in tears pretty quickly recalling all of it.
He asked me to share it on Sunday night, and I did. The Spirit brought a slightly different message, but it was no less humbling. In our time of music, prayer, and reflection afterwards, I continued my journey of thanksgiving for all that He has done with my obedience and disobedience. He was so very real and present for me that night that it was hard to move out of that place of reverence and get back to the real world just to walk down the street.
Tonight at CSU we continued our journey in Philippians, which is a book I suggested we study together. Last week was the first lesson and it was profound. Tonight contained great discussion that I enjoyed, but it became a therapy/reality check time for me personally.
We were discussing Phil 1:20-23, where Paul talks about his strong desire to be in heaven with Christ, but understands the necessity of living on Earth and doing the work assigned to him. The question was posed: if Christ came up to you and said, "Time to go!" would you just go, or would you hesitate? I was honest and said hesitate. So as a group we pressed into the issues underlying that. The results are thus: I have a list (written and unwritten) of things I want to do before I die that I regard more highly than Christ, I don't see time spent at His feet as more valuable than doing good works for Him, and I struggle with the idea that God doesn't need my help to accomplish His purposes (aka if I go to heaven, He will then be missing out on all the great stuff I can do for Him). What does all this point to??? Selfishness, conceit, and independence. These are all the things that get me in trouble--it's me underneath it all, raw and dirty.
Now that I've identified the problem and its root, what's next? I desire for Christ to be what I desire most, so how does my current state change? This is the hard question and one I'll probably be blogging about since I'm most likely not the only person who is struggling with this. Maybe God will share something that will rock someone else's world too.
So, Friday night Rob called out of the blue and asked me to share my story. It's been a long time since I've done a complete overview of my life. It had a pretty profound affect on me to remember all of the beauty and pain that's been contained in my life. To be reminded again of God's abiding work in and through me. I was in tears pretty quickly recalling all of it.
He asked me to share it on Sunday night, and I did. The Spirit brought a slightly different message, but it was no less humbling. In our time of music, prayer, and reflection afterwards, I continued my journey of thanksgiving for all that He has done with my obedience and disobedience. He was so very real and present for me that night that it was hard to move out of that place of reverence and get back to the real world just to walk down the street.
Tonight at CSU we continued our journey in Philippians, which is a book I suggested we study together. Last week was the first lesson and it was profound. Tonight contained great discussion that I enjoyed, but it became a therapy/reality check time for me personally.
We were discussing Phil 1:20-23, where Paul talks about his strong desire to be in heaven with Christ, but understands the necessity of living on Earth and doing the work assigned to him. The question was posed: if Christ came up to you and said, "Time to go!" would you just go, or would you hesitate? I was honest and said hesitate. So as a group we pressed into the issues underlying that. The results are thus: I have a list (written and unwritten) of things I want to do before I die that I regard more highly than Christ, I don't see time spent at His feet as more valuable than doing good works for Him, and I struggle with the idea that God doesn't need my help to accomplish His purposes (aka if I go to heaven, He will then be missing out on all the great stuff I can do for Him). What does all this point to??? Selfishness, conceit, and independence. These are all the things that get me in trouble--it's me underneath it all, raw and dirty.
Now that I've identified the problem and its root, what's next? I desire for Christ to be what I desire most, so how does my current state change? This is the hard question and one I'll probably be blogging about since I'm most likely not the only person who is struggling with this. Maybe God will share something that will rock someone else's world too.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Mad Men Melancholy
I have this feeling like I sat around all day and didn't do anything. Which is, for the most part, true. I'm sort of rallying now, but it's 11pm and not the appropriate time to do much other than read, sleep, and be quiet.
This new year was rung in quietly, at home with some of my roommates. This was made necessary by the abundant snow, below-zero windchills and the fact that my car was protesting against said temperatures and refused to start. So I made a decent dinner, hunkered down on the sofa with laptop open and a glass of Malbec nearby. Eventually we watched the Da Vinci Code; made and received various well-wishing phone calls and text messages. A rowdy evening it was not.
So with this unproductive day and homebody New Years Eve I have mixed emotions about 2009. I wasn't rhapsodizing like when the ball dropped us into 2008. This past year has truly lived up to what I felt last New Years, so that leaves me a little concerned about my melancholy towards 2009. But maybe I just watched too many episodes of Mad Men in the last 3 days.
Who would have thought a month ago that I'd be praying to have my routine back?
This new year was rung in quietly, at home with some of my roommates. This was made necessary by the abundant snow, below-zero windchills and the fact that my car was protesting against said temperatures and refused to start. So I made a decent dinner, hunkered down on the sofa with laptop open and a glass of Malbec nearby. Eventually we watched the Da Vinci Code; made and received various well-wishing phone calls and text messages. A rowdy evening it was not.
So with this unproductive day and homebody New Years Eve I have mixed emotions about 2009. I wasn't rhapsodizing like when the ball dropped us into 2008. This past year has truly lived up to what I felt last New Years, so that leaves me a little concerned about my melancholy towards 2009. But maybe I just watched too many episodes of Mad Men in the last 3 days.
Who would have thought a month ago that I'd be praying to have my routine back?
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Thank You for today
Holy stinking cow, it's been since April since my last post. Woah. I never could have guessed that it was that long ago. So much has changed since then. I moved. I started on leadership at Shawmut. I became a chaplain at Northeastern. So, so much different stuff. My life is moving really fast but it's ridiculously exciting to be in the middle of God's plan that I never expected. Thank you Father for bringing me this far. Thank you for all the good and bad, for all the poor choices and obedience, for all the stepping out in faith when everything within me screamed NO. It's only through You that I am where I am today. Thank You for today.
"I Will Rise"--Chris Tomlin
There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
"I Will Rise"--Chris Tomlin
There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Praise You
Today was the longest day of work I've had in a really long time. I was in work-mode from 9:30am to 8:30pm, with about a 30 min break in there for lunch. It was a tiring day, but it was so cool too spend part of my commuting time praying thankfulness over what God has done with this house so far. I can see how He's working so many details together. I'd write more now but I think I'm going to pass out any minute....
Monday, April 14, 2008
New Horizons and Prayers
I've been knee-deep in planning...so much so that I neglected to blog about God's next major leading in my life.
For the last couple years I've been dreaming about a place where I can offer up my home in hospitality to people who need a place to live or just a place to stay. That hasn't been a possibility in my life circumstances at the time. But things have changed. God has planted a huge blessing in the lap of my friend Stacey and I--he's given us an amazing apartment to rent and share. It's literally down the street from where we meet for Sunday nights. It's owned and recently built by a local pastor and his family. That's a huge thing in and of itself since the Christian community in this city is so small. Throughout the process of the last month it's been a privilege to pray with Stacey, pray alone, pray with their family, and know that they are also praying too. They speak our language and can understand the heart of desire that propels us into this house. This is truly an amazing blessing in so many ways!
Though we are getting into this house with no security deposit, no last month's, rent and no realtor fee (all those conditions are typical of renting in Boston), the rent still is $4200 per month. That's a lot of money and right now there's just Stacey and I. We need 3 or 4 more women to live in the house with us. Even more than that, Stacey and I want this to be an affordable place to live. We are beginning to raise support from people who want to join in on this monthly journey of faith and trusting that God will provide for this as-yet undefined ministry of hospitality, love, and discipleship among young women. Our desire is that our home would function as a family, living as a community of women who desire to grow deeper together in our understand of who God is, who we are in His eyes, and how relying on one another is the manifestation of God's Kingdom on earth.
I don't know who reads this blog, but there are a few of you out there. Please pray for Stacey and I. If you're called to give on behalf of this ministry, please email me for more information about how to do that. If you know or are a woman interested in this type of community living situation, don't hesitate to contact me.
Below is a slideshow of the house. If you link over to the photos on Picasa, there are detailed descriptions of the pictures.
For the last couple years I've been dreaming about a place where I can offer up my home in hospitality to people who need a place to live or just a place to stay. That hasn't been a possibility in my life circumstances at the time. But things have changed. God has planted a huge blessing in the lap of my friend Stacey and I--he's given us an amazing apartment to rent and share. It's literally down the street from where we meet for Sunday nights. It's owned and recently built by a local pastor and his family. That's a huge thing in and of itself since the Christian community in this city is so small. Throughout the process of the last month it's been a privilege to pray with Stacey, pray alone, pray with their family, and know that they are also praying too. They speak our language and can understand the heart of desire that propels us into this house. This is truly an amazing blessing in so many ways!
Though we are getting into this house with no security deposit, no last month's, rent and no realtor fee (all those conditions are typical of renting in Boston), the rent still is $4200 per month. That's a lot of money and right now there's just Stacey and I. We need 3 or 4 more women to live in the house with us. Even more than that, Stacey and I want this to be an affordable place to live. We are beginning to raise support from people who want to join in on this monthly journey of faith and trusting that God will provide for this as-yet undefined ministry of hospitality, love, and discipleship among young women. Our desire is that our home would function as a family, living as a community of women who desire to grow deeper together in our understand of who God is, who we are in His eyes, and how relying on one another is the manifestation of God's Kingdom on earth.
I don't know who reads this blog, but there are a few of you out there. Please pray for Stacey and I. If you're called to give on behalf of this ministry, please email me for more information about how to do that. If you know or are a woman interested in this type of community living situation, don't hesitate to contact me.
Below is a slideshow of the house. If you link over to the photos on Picasa, there are detailed descriptions of the pictures.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Sunrise
Awake My Soul
The image of God invisible, the first born of all life
Before and within, He holds it all in
One name, one faith, one Christ
No one is good enough, to save himself
Awake my soul tonight, to boast nothing else
I trust no other source or name, nowhere else can I hide
This grace gives me fear, and this grace draws me near
And all that it asks it provides
No seam in this garment, all my rags to hide
No less than your love, for Jesus is mine
When I stand on the edges of Jordan
With the saints and the angels beside
When my body is healed, and the glory revealed
Still I can boast only Christ
To boast nothing else
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I watched the sun rise over the Atlantic this morning, singing halting praises with my Boston family. God, thank you for filling that parking lot with worshippers. Thank you for giving us that massive ball of fire that warms us and rises each and every day. As sure as the sun rises, so faithful is Your love for us. Thank you for faithfully providing your Son who made the way for us through suffering and death...then resurrection. We celebrate in pure joy today for You are no longer in the grave--it is FINISHED!
The image of God invisible, the first born of all life
Before and within, He holds it all in
One name, one faith, one Christ
No one is good enough, to save himself
Awake my soul tonight, to boast nothing else
I trust no other source or name, nowhere else can I hide
This grace gives me fear, and this grace draws me near
And all that it asks it provides
No seam in this garment, all my rags to hide
No less than your love, for Jesus is mine
When I stand on the edges of Jordan
With the saints and the angels beside
When my body is healed, and the glory revealed
Still I can boast only Christ
To boast nothing else
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I watched the sun rise over the Atlantic this morning, singing halting praises with my Boston family. God, thank you for filling that parking lot with worshippers. Thank you for giving us that massive ball of fire that warms us and rises each and every day. As sure as the sun rises, so faithful is Your love for us. Thank you for faithfully providing your Son who made the way for us through suffering and death...then resurrection. We celebrate in pure joy today for You are no longer in the grave--it is FINISHED!
Changes
Since it's officially spring (but still stinking cold outside) and I changed the living room over to the spring-summer color motif, I thought I'd redecorate the blog too. Enjoy.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Madness
I'm breaking my blog slackerness to say...
March Madness is one of my favorite times of year. The Western Kentucky-Drake OT game was just a thing of beauty. A three-pointer at the buzzer marking the end of OT was just perfect. It also helped that WKY is one of my Cinderella teams...
OK, back to the games!
March Madness is one of my favorite times of year. The Western Kentucky-Drake OT game was just a thing of beauty. A three-pointer at the buzzer marking the end of OT was just perfect. It also helped that WKY is one of my Cinderella teams...
OK, back to the games!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
New Life
Since the last time I wrote, the Republican contest became no contest at all and Barack Obama rolled over Hillary Clinton in state after state. Whoda thunk it?
During that time, we also experienced Valentine's Day, where Stacey, Sarah, and I enjoyed sharing Snoopy valentines and peppermint patties with lovely patrons at our favorite watering hole. It got so slow in there later into the night that we numbered among the 15 faithful at the bar. It was fun, however, since the band played whatever we wanted to hear. We stayed later than ever, partly because it was enjoyable, and partly out of guilt over removing 20% of the pub's occupants at one time. A major blow. :)
ALSO...I drove to Buffalo for the first time in ages to be there while Gabby delivered her sweet little boy. I played helper for a few days to keep the house and dogs in decent order until she and Elijah Jacob made their way home. He came into the world at 20 inches & 8lbs 2oz at 6:36am on February 17th. I was sleeping then. Figures.
My godson is 
a rock star. Can't you tell already?
a rock star. Can't you tell already?Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Friday, February 01, 2008
The Battle is Real
An evening out with a believing friend to read and study the Bible with a Guinness on the table was never meant to turn into anything more than that. But it has.
Over the last 3 weeks, a partner in ministry and I have been spending Thursday evenings at an unassuming Irish pub in the city. The energy of studying the Word in that place has been electric and that vibe seems to have primed the pump of some faith-focused conversations with "random" people. We are building a relationship with our waiter Zach, who only works at the place on Thursday nights. We are getting to know the great cover band that plays there as a regular gig--they want us to sing with them!
This past week, my friend met a girl at the retail store where she works, and they bonded over a shared area code from a former state. She just moved to Boston after Thanksgiving and doesn't really know many people yet. They began talking about faith and my friend invited her to come to study/hang/talk with us on Thursday at the usual locale. When my friend and I arrived there last night, Zach told us he received an email that day from a friend that he met at training for his day job. Apparently his friend's girlfriend was planning on meeting up with 2 girls at that very pub. It didn't take much of a leap to figure out that we were those girls. WOW! I was really floored by that 'coincidence'...God was confirming His call for us to be at this place.
The girl was never able to make it last night, but it was the first time my friend and I prayed outloud in the bar. We both had the sense that we needed to do that. I'm really glad that we had since a couple of things happened to show us that the enemy isn't really pleased about our mission. My friend went outside to chat with the aforementioned girl on the phone since it was too loud in there. She was accosted by some inebriated guys outside the place. Then, I got asked to dance (which also happened last week)...but this time it was different. I felt weird about it because the guy was an obviously big-money master of the universe. A devil dressed in a well-tailored suit, complete with initials embroidered on his sleeve. Definitely good looking and as it turned out, definitely married. I didn't realize this right away, but when I did I wanted to vomit. I couldn't wait for the song to end and to get the heck out of there. I was pretty shaken...enough to pray with my friend when we got to the T stop.
After I repeatedly called on the Lord for truth to overcome lies, I realized these direct attacks were not an accident. It's not a mistake that I never get a second glance from guys (especially when I am not giving a rip about my appearance) until we're in a place specifically to bring Light there. I am so much more aware now of the battle at hand...and that my friend and I need more prayer covering than we can provide on our own. There's something big beginning to shift that we just seemed to stumble over. Lord, provide us believers to be in faithful in interceding on our behalf every week on Thursday nights. It's just not an option to be without it anymore.
Over the last 3 weeks, a partner in ministry and I have been spending Thursday evenings at an unassuming Irish pub in the city. The energy of studying the Word in that place has been electric and that vibe seems to have primed the pump of some faith-focused conversations with "random" people. We are building a relationship with our waiter Zach, who only works at the place on Thursday nights. We are getting to know the great cover band that plays there as a regular gig--they want us to sing with them!
This past week, my friend met a girl at the retail store where she works, and they bonded over a shared area code from a former state. She just moved to Boston after Thanksgiving and doesn't really know many people yet. They began talking about faith and my friend invited her to come to study/hang/talk with us on Thursday at the usual locale. When my friend and I arrived there last night, Zach told us he received an email that day from a friend that he met at training for his day job. Apparently his friend's girlfriend was planning on meeting up with 2 girls at that very pub. It didn't take much of a leap to figure out that we were those girls. WOW! I was really floored by that 'coincidence'...God was confirming His call for us to be at this place.
The girl was never able to make it last night, but it was the first time my friend and I prayed outloud in the bar. We both had the sense that we needed to do that. I'm really glad that we had since a couple of things happened to show us that the enemy isn't really pleased about our mission. My friend went outside to chat with the aforementioned girl on the phone since it was too loud in there. She was accosted by some inebriated guys outside the place. Then, I got asked to dance (which also happened last week)...but this time it was different. I felt weird about it because the guy was an obviously big-money master of the universe. A devil dressed in a well-tailored suit, complete with initials embroidered on his sleeve. Definitely good looking and as it turned out, definitely married. I didn't realize this right away, but when I did I wanted to vomit. I couldn't wait for the song to end and to get the heck out of there. I was pretty shaken...enough to pray with my friend when we got to the T stop.
After I repeatedly called on the Lord for truth to overcome lies, I realized these direct attacks were not an accident. It's not a mistake that I never get a second glance from guys (especially when I am not giving a rip about my appearance) until we're in a place specifically to bring Light there. I am so much more aware now of the battle at hand...and that my friend and I need more prayer covering than we can provide on our own. There's something big beginning to shift that we just seemed to stumble over. Lord, provide us believers to be in faithful in interceding on our behalf every week on Thursday nights. It's just not an option to be without it anymore.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Placating the Rage
Today was a really long day. I was up MUCH earlier than I've been in a while, didn't eat anything substantive until noon, had 3 times the amount of caffeine I usually ingest, and saw clients for 7 hours of direct service. I came home angry. I wanted to eat everything I really shouldn't have. Everything inside me was impatient and rebelling. I felt like a 4 year old with my self-focused crabbiness, attempting to control any little thing I could. I wanted to decide what we watched on tv, what lighting was on in the living room, where we sat on the couch, what we talked about. It was sick. I tried to placate it with comfort food and entertain it away with mindless tv. It's still here though, clenching my jaw and occupying my mind. I'm gripped.
I'm praying that the challenge of James 4:7-10 would be something I even have the strength to reach up and grab despite fear.
So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet.
I'm praying that the challenge of James 4:7-10 would be something I even have the strength to reach up and grab despite fear.
So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Beauty
The snow that fell on Monday morning was just gorgeous. Big, fluffy white flakes that stuck to everything. They lay in piles on tops of tree limbs and telephone wires for at least a day after the storm was over. It was amazing to walk around in the winter wonderland during a blessed day off due to that snow. Davis Square was a picture postcard. It was the perfect time to see a movie, breathe in scripture and a book, and just sit to write. Lately, it seems like I have to get out of the house to do that properly. Home is just too distracting.
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----------------Tonight I had movie and dinner with a friend. After pulling into the driveway late, I stopped to notice the stars. To some, that's not a big deal, but I live in the city. Seeing stars requires a crystal-clear and cold night sky. It was there tonight. I couldn't see anywhere near the points of light that I once glimpsed lying in the dewy grass of my childhood, but they were there--still and quiet, alongside a moon reflecting the sun back at me with all its might.
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