Friday, December 29, 2006
Giving from the heart of Jesus
I am excited for Passion this year, maybe a little more than the last 2 years just due to Passion Conferences stated purpose of promoting social justice this year. They've taken offerings before, but never did they ask us all to donate towels and socks to the homeless community of Atlanta, and never did they show us up front all they ways we can give and serve our world. This link goes to a pdf file on the Passion07 site telling about those opportunities to give. If you're interested in those ministries, please contribute. But everyone, pray for the nearly 30,000 college students, ministry leaders, and volunteers who will be swarming Atlanta from January 1-4. Ask Go to open all our hearts to be the hands and feet of Christ with the resources and blessings we have been given.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
On Turning 30
In 30 minutes I will officially embark on a milestone, known as turning 30. This year, my birthday will include a trip to the Mass RMV to renew my driver's license. I could have done this via mail or online, but I want a new picture to replace the somewhat bad one from 5 years ago...and I also waited to the last minute, as usual. I guess my excuse is my parent's visit and my birthday's proximity to Christmas, but it really was just poor planning!
This birthday also has me remembering the last one, which included an uneventful dinner at a Japanese hibachi restaurant with a good friend and a not-so-close one. Then a surprise the next day as two great friends arrived in a car full of balloons, birthday cake, and presents at 8am when I just thought we were driving to Nashville for Passion06. One of those friends went to worship God full-time this year, so remembering her on this birthday is special. Passion07 will be full of her memories too as that was the last time we saw each other on this earth.
I'm not afraid of 30. I've done my fair share in this life--travelled to Europe 4 times, played first chair clarinet in my high school band, finished a master's degree, had my nose broken, sang karaoke on a cruise ship, lived in the country, lived in the city, and loved. My life is full of beautiful friends, a loving family, and a mosaic of ministry that I couldn't have imagined. God has plans for my life that are larger than I can comprehend. I'm glad that this year included some great highs and painful lows. My character has been shaped and formed by all of it. I am a better person for it.
To the God who formed me and knows me by name, thank you for this past year of breath. May I walk worthy of every moment of the next.
This birthday also has me remembering the last one, which included an uneventful dinner at a Japanese hibachi restaurant with a good friend and a not-so-close one. Then a surprise the next day as two great friends arrived in a car full of balloons, birthday cake, and presents at 8am when I just thought we were driving to Nashville for Passion06. One of those friends went to worship God full-time this year, so remembering her on this birthday is special. Passion07 will be full of her memories too as that was the last time we saw each other on this earth.
I'm not afraid of 30. I've done my fair share in this life--travelled to Europe 4 times, played first chair clarinet in my high school band, finished a master's degree, had my nose broken, sang karaoke on a cruise ship, lived in the country, lived in the city, and loved. My life is full of beautiful friends, a loving family, and a mosaic of ministry that I couldn't have imagined. God has plans for my life that are larger than I can comprehend. I'm glad that this year included some great highs and painful lows. My character has been shaped and formed by all of it. I am a better person for it.
To the God who formed me and knows me by name, thank you for this past year of breath. May I walk worthy of every moment of the next.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Space, Peace, and My Aching Back
I rediscovered this week that it's hard to think with people around. I've gotten really used to being alone, controlling my time, and thinking a lot. That's probably why I blog quite a bit--I just need to let out all those things I'm thinking. Anyway, my parents visited for 8 days and I dropped them off at the airport to go back to Pensacola tonight. I'm happy to be able to control my space, time, and tv again. I enjoy having it off more than on, but my mother is a tv addict. I'm also really happy to sleep in my own bed again. My nearly 30 year-old back is starting to react to 8 days on my overly-cushy sofa. I'm going to enjoy my bed for the 3 days before I run off to Atlanta and not really sleep for 5 days. I'm ready to rest up.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Can't Sleep Again
I'm in my cycle of staying up really late and sleeping really late again. I gave myself a pass this week because I was sick, but I think discipline is going to have to reign again. Mom and Dad arrive on Tuesday night, so I know they will be up and around bright and early every morning. That doesn't allow for much late sleeping when you're occupying the same 625 square feet as 2 other people.
I just finished watching Talladega Nights, which was really hilarious to me in its deadpan fashion of horrible redneck humor. I think it is funnier to me after having enjoyed 3 fabulous years on the Redneck Riviera. It was slightly off-color (of course) at times, but the special features on the DVD took the cake. I haven't laughed that hard in a while.
When I was busy not sleeping late last night, I finished up the book Dear Church, which is absolutely fantastic. I read it in 2 days. It's penned by a 20something woman who explores some of our generations questions/frustrations about today's institutional church. The book is well-grounded in research and in touch with thoughts and conversations I've had with a number of people. I passed it off right away to a friend in my church, but I think I'm going to spend more time digging in it and working on each chapter's discussion questions. I highly recommend it.
I just finished watching Talladega Nights, which was really hilarious to me in its deadpan fashion of horrible redneck humor. I think it is funnier to me after having enjoyed 3 fabulous years on the Redneck Riviera. It was slightly off-color (of course) at times, but the special features on the DVD took the cake. I haven't laughed that hard in a while.
When I was busy not sleeping late last night, I finished up the book Dear Church, which is absolutely fantastic. I read it in 2 days. It's penned by a 20something woman who explores some of our generations questions/frustrations about today's institutional church. The book is well-grounded in research and in touch with thoughts and conversations I've had with a number of people. I passed it off right away to a friend in my church, but I think I'm going to spend more time digging in it and working on each chapter's discussion questions. I highly recommend it.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
The Pursuit of Happiness
I was a movie maven this week--I caught 2 flicks and didn't work much at all. Weird, but that's my life now...on to the review!
The first film of the week was The Holiday--an overly-complicated amuse bouche (I've been watching Top Chef too much) that could have really done it for me. Despite Jude Law's obvious eye-candy factor, I was pretty much sick of his and Cameron Diaz' story line after the first 30 minutes. I do not really care about the hot people getting together, especially when it's just SO manufactured. Don't let me get started on Diaz' acting (or lack thereof)...I left this film feeling like I really wanted to see more of the Kate Winslet-Jack Black storyline. There was a unique sub-plot with their characters that I wished Nancy Meyers had spent more time on. Argh. At least I only paid $5 for the ticket...
Compelled by Thursday's Oprah appearance, I went to see The Pursuit of Happyness on Friday afternoon. The film was well-acted, gritty, and heart-felt. It gave me an even greater appreciation for the effects of poverty and desire to serve the urban poor. I would have loved it more if I hadn't been so off-put by the ending. Of course it's a happy one, but the message rang hollow. It seemed very much like the final message of the film was that happiness is found in money. I find that a sorely depressing thought and one that its utterly false. I wish they could have continued the inner monologue of the main character, Chris, and his musings about what Thomas Jefferson meant in the Declaration of Independence concerning the film's title concept. I think that pursuit is never-ending in this earthly body. I think it's what keeps us longing for home.
The first film of the week was The Holiday--an overly-complicated amuse bouche (I've been watching Top Chef too much) that could have really done it for me. Despite Jude Law's obvious eye-candy factor, I was pretty much sick of his and Cameron Diaz' story line after the first 30 minutes. I do not really care about the hot people getting together, especially when it's just SO manufactured. Don't let me get started on Diaz' acting (or lack thereof)...I left this film feeling like I really wanted to see more of the Kate Winslet-Jack Black storyline. There was a unique sub-plot with their characters that I wished Nancy Meyers had spent more time on. Argh. At least I only paid $5 for the ticket...
Compelled by Thursday's Oprah appearance, I went to see The Pursuit of Happyness on Friday afternoon. The film was well-acted, gritty, and heart-felt. It gave me an even greater appreciation for the effects of poverty and desire to serve the urban poor. I would have loved it more if I hadn't been so off-put by the ending. Of course it's a happy one, but the message rang hollow. It seemed very much like the final message of the film was that happiness is found in money. I find that a sorely depressing thought and one that its utterly false. I wish they could have continued the inner monologue of the main character, Chris, and his musings about what Thomas Jefferson meant in the Declaration of Independence concerning the film's title concept. I think that pursuit is never-ending in this earthly body. I think it's what keeps us longing for home.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
ICA, Illness, and Victory
On Sunday, Rosana and I got to enjoy opening day at Boston's first new museum in 100 years-the Institute of Contemporary Art (ICA). They hosted a 12 hour free open house and it seemed like the whole city showed up. We arrived less than 2 hours after the opening and had to wait 2 hours after that to get in. But the place was worth it. Outside of the art, the building itself is an amazing addition to a somewhat forgotten waterfront in Southie. Check it out.
The rest of the week (so far), I've been sick. It's my first cold in a long time, possibly since last winter. It made me cancel my client yesterday and lose out on a babysitting job. Argh. I spent most of the day laying around yesterday, watching movies and intermittently sleeping. Today I forced myself to be more active, cleaning my apartment, sitting up and walking around more. It helped, but I still have a runny nose and I'm sneezing quite a bit. Much better than yesterday's loopiness.
Despite my poor physical condition yesterday, the capper of the day was a thick envelope that arrived from Boston. It was addressed to Jennifer A. Johnston, Esquire (hehe, who's that?). I opened it expectantly and was pleasantly surprised to discover that my little team was on the winning end of a legal trouncing. The unemployment hearing examiner sided with us on nearly every point of the law. Wow. Very cool.
The rest of the week (so far), I've been sick. It's my first cold in a long time, possibly since last winter. It made me cancel my client yesterday and lose out on a babysitting job. Argh. I spent most of the day laying around yesterday, watching movies and intermittently sleeping. Today I forced myself to be more active, cleaning my apartment, sitting up and walking around more. It helped, but I still have a runny nose and I'm sneezing quite a bit. Much better than yesterday's loopiness.
Despite my poor physical condition yesterday, the capper of the day was a thick envelope that arrived from Boston. It was addressed to Jennifer A. Johnston, Esquire (hehe, who's that?). I opened it expectantly and was pleasantly surprised to discover that my little team was on the winning end of a legal trouncing. The unemployment hearing examiner sided with us on nearly every point of the law. Wow. Very cool.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Grateful
I was beginning to think that my leap into an uncertain financial future was bunk. I've spent way too long not really doing much and starting to have to THINK about money again. I really hate that stuff--it makes my head hurt and starting thinking about what I need to DO to make it better. The mind races...
Well, I turned the corner as of a couple weeks ago. The money stuff wasn't really happening, but I committed to take that fear captive because I trust that God is my provider. I've had to speak my faith out loud about that over and over again, but the peace is creeping in. I can feel that warmth surrounding me. When my monthly paycheck from the main job was less than expected, I praised God for it and spoke my trust out loud. I can do nothing but trust and move on with His mission for my life, which includes volunteering at Passion07.
This is my 3rd year in a row as a volunteer and that week in January is always huge for me. This is the first time money's been an issue and the first time I had to fly there and the first time I don't have 2 friends to help foot the hotel bill. Of all the years for it to be expensive, it had to be this one. I booked the flight last month when the prices dipped a bit. I did it as an act of commitment. But I've been waiting on the hotel reservation until this week.
I've spent an inordinate amount of time on choosing the right combination of price and location. I'm priced out (and in most cases sold out) of downtown Atlanta, so I researched other areas in walking distance from MARTA. The area most reasonably priced and meeting the MARTA criteria is Perimeter--about a 25 minute subway ride from downtown. (I figure this is OK since that's about how long it takes commuters to get to Boston from here in Quincy and they do it in droves!) I found a fantastic rate at a Hilton Suites--$59/night if prepaid. I waited on the rate until I got my paycheck and...the rate was GONE. I was a little bit freaked. After several more hours of searching, I found a Hyatt Place in the same area for $69/night without prepayment. Perfect. But still that bill for 5 nights left a lump in my throat. How the heck am I going to float that financially without getting into debt again??
Then...blessings.
In October, I signed up with a babysitting temp service that pays very well. I hadn't yet gotten a job, but signed up for a weekly Friday morning gig that starts in January and runs through May. Then, I got a call at 10am Thursday for a 9 hour job that afternoon/evening. The kids were great and I worked for 10.5 hours. Then last night I SWEAR I dreamt about the name Alexa and I got a call this afternoon to babysit tonight for a family with 2 kids, one named Alexa. Weird. These kids were great too.
These 2 unexpected jobs netted me over $250 for playing and putting kids to bed. All I can say is that is such a blessing! I've never been so happy to work in my life. I've never been so grateful to know that God will provide a way to make the money I need to buy Christmas presents, eat, have a place to live, and volunteer at Passion. I'm understanding sacrifice in a fuller way and it makes all of those experiences that much sweeter. God is building up some kind of character of dependence, faith, and humility in me that I don't really understand, but I know it's for His glory. Lord, just make me look like You.
Well, I turned the corner as of a couple weeks ago. The money stuff wasn't really happening, but I committed to take that fear captive because I trust that God is my provider. I've had to speak my faith out loud about that over and over again, but the peace is creeping in. I can feel that warmth surrounding me. When my monthly paycheck from the main job was less than expected, I praised God for it and spoke my trust out loud. I can do nothing but trust and move on with His mission for my life, which includes volunteering at Passion07.
This is my 3rd year in a row as a volunteer and that week in January is always huge for me. This is the first time money's been an issue and the first time I had to fly there and the first time I don't have 2 friends to help foot the hotel bill. Of all the years for it to be expensive, it had to be this one. I booked the flight last month when the prices dipped a bit. I did it as an act of commitment. But I've been waiting on the hotel reservation until this week.
I've spent an inordinate amount of time on choosing the right combination of price and location. I'm priced out (and in most cases sold out) of downtown Atlanta, so I researched other areas in walking distance from MARTA. The area most reasonably priced and meeting the MARTA criteria is Perimeter--about a 25 minute subway ride from downtown. (I figure this is OK since that's about how long it takes commuters to get to Boston from here in Quincy and they do it in droves!) I found a fantastic rate at a Hilton Suites--$59/night if prepaid. I waited on the rate until I got my paycheck and...the rate was GONE. I was a little bit freaked. After several more hours of searching, I found a Hyatt Place in the same area for $69/night without prepayment. Perfect. But still that bill for 5 nights left a lump in my throat. How the heck am I going to float that financially without getting into debt again??
Then...blessings.
In October, I signed up with a babysitting temp service that pays very well. I hadn't yet gotten a job, but signed up for a weekly Friday morning gig that starts in January and runs through May. Then, I got a call at 10am Thursday for a 9 hour job that afternoon/evening. The kids were great and I worked for 10.5 hours. Then last night I SWEAR I dreamt about the name Alexa and I got a call this afternoon to babysit tonight for a family with 2 kids, one named Alexa. Weird. These kids were great too.
These 2 unexpected jobs netted me over $250 for playing and putting kids to bed. All I can say is that is such a blessing! I've never been so happy to work in my life. I've never been so grateful to know that God will provide a way to make the money I need to buy Christmas presents, eat, have a place to live, and volunteer at Passion. I'm understanding sacrifice in a fuller way and it makes all of those experiences that much sweeter. God is building up some kind of character of dependence, faith, and humility in me that I don't really understand, but I know it's for His glory. Lord, just make me look like You.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
The World According to Moxie
In lieu of a proper blog, I decided to opine about a new-old beverage I tried tonight. This curiousity is the soda Moxie. Apparently it was the first soda ever patented in the US and it is the origin of the general usage of the word 'moxie' in the English lexicon. It still survives in spotty distribution--one of those places being New England. I've seen this soda on the shelf since I moved back here, but never tried it out. It came up in conversation last week so I bought a 1L bottle of Diet Moxie at Hannaford's tonight.
After putting away the groceries, I made myself a small glass to try it out. The aroma was not promising, but I powered on, trying to conjure up memories of my first Dr Pepper (at a Long John Silvers in Williamsville, NY circa 1986--good times, good times), straining to remember if I was ever hesitant about drinking that sweet nectar. Recalling nothing, I took my first sip. It was all root beer, club soda, and medicine, then WHAM a bitter aftertaste that rivals some porters and most cough syrups. According to wikipedia, the aftertaste is less strong in the diet version--I am VERY glad I didn't buy the regular. This stuff is disgusting. How in the world is it still in business?? Good ol' wiki said it's becoming more popular again because of its mixability with alcohol. I'd rather just go for the straight shot if my only mixer was this stuff. Take my word for it. I think I've ruined my taste buds.
After putting away the groceries, I made myself a small glass to try it out. The aroma was not promising, but I powered on, trying to conjure up memories of my first Dr Pepper (at a Long John Silvers in Williamsville, NY circa 1986--good times, good times), straining to remember if I was ever hesitant about drinking that sweet nectar. Recalling nothing, I took my first sip. It was all root beer, club soda, and medicine, then WHAM a bitter aftertaste that rivals some porters and most cough syrups. According to wikipedia, the aftertaste is less strong in the diet version--I am VERY glad I didn't buy the regular. This stuff is disgusting. How in the world is it still in business?? Good ol' wiki said it's becoming more popular again because of its mixability with alcohol. I'd rather just go for the straight shot if my only mixer was this stuff. Take my word for it. I think I've ruined my taste buds.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
For all you city dwellers, this is hilarious!
I've been sadly blogless lately, but I found this priceless piece of cyberspace. Check it out.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Thanksgiving
I woke up yesterday morning, thanking God for all that I have. Despite everything I've struggled through lately, I'm incredibly blessed. I just wish I could be more consistent in that posture of thanksgiving. Maybe it needs to become one of the cornerstones of my daily prayer. I've forgotten that far too often.
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I broke my day-after-Thanksgiving tradition today--I didn't go shopping. Over the years today's been the only day I look forward to waking up pre-9am (more like 5ish). But I decided to do something different this year. I became one of the many who participated in Buy Nothing Day--an international protest against consumerism. Every time I came back to the States from 2.5 weeks in Poland, the consumerism was something that frustrated me. But I still am a part of my culture and I love to shop. So, I seized upon my cashpoor status this year to honor Adbuster's unofficial protest and didn't leave my house. There was plenty of internet time today, but none of it utilized the plastic. I know my statement is small, but it's valuable to me.
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As a part of my non-shopping day I watched Al Gore's film An Inconvenient Truth. For those of you who know me, you know I'm not a crunch-granola environmentalist by any means. I've always recycled, but not to the point of nuttiness. I keep my energy consumption down and use public transportation, but mostly for economic reasons. I'm sure there's more I can do to reduce my global impact.
At any rate, rent the film. It's very well done and directed toward all of us science nerds who like to see the data. Let's use that information to push us toward being better stewards of our planet. We all need to be more aware of the climatic changes that have happened over the last 100 years. It's no accident that fossil fuel combustion increased exponentially in that time period.
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K, I'm officially off my social justice soap box. Go forth and leftoverize.
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I broke my day-after-Thanksgiving tradition today--I didn't go shopping. Over the years today's been the only day I look forward to waking up pre-9am (more like 5ish). But I decided to do something different this year. I became one of the many who participated in Buy Nothing Day--an international protest against consumerism. Every time I came back to the States from 2.5 weeks in Poland, the consumerism was something that frustrated me. But I still am a part of my culture and I love to shop. So, I seized upon my cashpoor status this year to honor Adbuster's unofficial protest and didn't leave my house. There was plenty of internet time today, but none of it utilized the plastic. I know my statement is small, but it's valuable to me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As a part of my non-shopping day I watched Al Gore's film An Inconvenient Truth. For those of you who know me, you know I'm not a crunch-granola environmentalist by any means. I've always recycled, but not to the point of nuttiness. I keep my energy consumption down and use public transportation, but mostly for economic reasons. I'm sure there's more I can do to reduce my global impact.
At any rate, rent the film. It's very well done and directed toward all of us science nerds who like to see the data. Let's use that information to push us toward being better stewards of our planet. We all need to be more aware of the climatic changes that have happened over the last 100 years. It's no accident that fossil fuel combustion increased exponentially in that time period.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
K, I'm officially off my social justice soap box. Go forth and leftoverize.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Love-Hate Relationships
Sometimes I hate my city. Boston has atrocious traffic that I am often at zen peace with...but this is not the case when I'm running late and driving in places I don't know well. This happened to me 2 days in a row and I wanted to scream. I was hating the rain, hating the dark, hating the pedestrian whom I didn't stop for that later knocked on my window and told me off about not stopping. ARGH! Needless to say, I didn't get where I needed to go today. I'm SO taking the T to my appointment tomorrow. I don't care if it takes an hour...I just can't stand driving in the city any more this week.
But sometimes the love of my city is so strong I'm afraid my heart might burst out of my chest. I had one of those weekends, playing tourguide to my brother and his girlfriend, sharing this place I adore. I felt like Carrie Bradshaw in the S&TC episode "I Heart NY." Saturday night we met up at Park Street and hung out there for a few minutes. An atypical street preacher was there, not so far from us, yelling with all his might. He wasn't condemning anyone, but rather reading parables of Jesus. Once I finally got a handle on what he was saying, I recognized the words of the prodigal son:
"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son." (Luke 15:21, NIV)
The breath was sucked out of my chest. I have long seen Boston as one of the prodigals to whom I am called to preach. I remembered the call again, sitting on that brick wall, listening to a wild-eyed man scream out words of redemption rather than damnation.
No matter how I feel on any given day, I'm here for a purpose.
8But you, Israel, my servant,
Jacob, whom I have chosen,
the offspring of Abraham, my friend;
9you whom I took from the ends of the earth,
and called from its farthest corners,
saying to you, "You are my servant,
I have chosen you and not cast you off";
10fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:8-10, ESV)
But sometimes the love of my city is so strong I'm afraid my heart might burst out of my chest. I had one of those weekends, playing tourguide to my brother and his girlfriend, sharing this place I adore. I felt like Carrie Bradshaw in the S&TC episode "I Heart NY." Saturday night we met up at Park Street and hung out there for a few minutes. An atypical street preacher was there, not so far from us, yelling with all his might. He wasn't condemning anyone, but rather reading parables of Jesus. Once I finally got a handle on what he was saying, I recognized the words of the prodigal son:
"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son." (Luke 15:21, NIV)
The breath was sucked out of my chest. I have long seen Boston as one of the prodigals to whom I am called to preach. I remembered the call again, sitting on that brick wall, listening to a wild-eyed man scream out words of redemption rather than damnation.
No matter how I feel on any given day, I'm here for a purpose.
8But you, Israel, my servant,
Jacob, whom I have chosen,
the offspring of Abraham, my friend;
9you whom I took from the ends of the earth,
and called from its farthest corners,
saying to you, "You are my servant,
I have chosen you and not cast you off";
10fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:8-10, ESV)
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Life is Stranger than Fiction
I spent a lovely afternoon at the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, enjoying what may be our last glorious weekend before winter sets in. My brother and his girlfriend are in town and we've had a string of dinners out. Bertucci's, Silvertone, and Chau Chow City. Tonight was my first Chinatown experience. It was good but not anything better than I've had elsewhere. Anyway...
Since being a tourist is tiring, I urged our little gang to take a load off and see Stranger than Fiction. The film intrigued me and I hoped it would be good. It was. We all crammed into a crowded theater, ready to laugh. I have to admit I was expecting to laugh more, but there was an elegant wittiness about the entire film. It was gossamer, fine chocolate, and wine. Good stuff.
When Will Ferrell's Harold Crick gets past determining that he's not a schizophrenic, the film hits its stride. Crick seeks out a literary scholar (Dustin Hoffman) to find out who his life's narrator could be. The scenes between Ferrell and Hoffman are brilliant, deadpan comedy.
I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but I must comment on a theme that Angela brought up. Once Crick determines that he is not in control of the course of the narration, he finds unkempt, chain-smoking recluse author Karen Eiffel (Emma Thompson). Overwhelmed by the fact that her character is real, she admits to Crick she is trying to kill him in the novel and has fashioned the ending. She gives him the entire work which he then passes off to Dustin Hoffman. He reads it and tells Crick that the book is Eiffel's master work and it must not be changed--even if it means Crick's imminent death. The conversation between these two men is the pinnacle of the film and the crossroads for Crick is reminiscent of Christ. What was it like to read the book, knowing that this end was coming? Was the conversation between Ferrell and Hoffman anything like the one between Christ and God in Gethsemane? Something to think about in a new way.
Since being a tourist is tiring, I urged our little gang to take a load off and see Stranger than Fiction. The film intrigued me and I hoped it would be good. It was. We all crammed into a crowded theater, ready to laugh. I have to admit I was expecting to laugh more, but there was an elegant wittiness about the entire film. It was gossamer, fine chocolate, and wine. Good stuff.
When Will Ferrell's Harold Crick gets past determining that he's not a schizophrenic, the film hits its stride. Crick seeks out a literary scholar (Dustin Hoffman) to find out who his life's narrator could be. The scenes between Ferrell and Hoffman are brilliant, deadpan comedy.
I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but I must comment on a theme that Angela brought up. Once Crick determines that he is not in control of the course of the narration, he finds unkempt, chain-smoking recluse author Karen Eiffel (Emma Thompson). Overwhelmed by the fact that her character is real, she admits to Crick she is trying to kill him in the novel and has fashioned the ending. She gives him the entire work which he then passes off to Dustin Hoffman. He reads it and tells Crick that the book is Eiffel's master work and it must not be changed--even if it means Crick's imminent death. The conversation between these two men is the pinnacle of the film and the crossroads for Crick is reminiscent of Christ. What was it like to read the book, knowing that this end was coming? Was the conversation between Ferrell and Hoffman anything like the one between Christ and God in Gethsemane? Something to think about in a new way.
The Notebooks
This blog is not about the overly-sentimental film of a similar title--it's about the chronicle of sermons and thoughts about life in Florida from 2002 to 2005. I'm dealing with an issue currently that I remember hearing about in a sermon from those days, so I set about to find my notes on it. I never found the sermon, but I embarked on an hour-long reliving of those 3 years. Sometimes I was good at journaling, sometimes not. I was alternately rejoicing in seeing my spiritual growth since then and becoming nauseous with the frequency of writing about certain topics.
My life has changed exponentially since then--I guess that's part of the reason why going back there is stranger every time. I've changed and I think I expect people and insitutions in Florida to change, but most haven't. That ought to be comforting, but it's not at all. I'm not trying to say that change is always the right thing and we should just change for the sake of it, but rather it's a part of who we are as believers. We should be constantly refined by Christ to become more like Him. Maybe that's why my last visit there was so sad (excepting 3 people). But maybe my expectation about change is too big.
My life has changed exponentially since then--I guess that's part of the reason why going back there is stranger every time. I've changed and I think I expect people and insitutions in Florida to change, but most haven't. That ought to be comforting, but it's not at all. I'm not trying to say that change is always the right thing and we should just change for the sake of it, but rather it's a part of who we are as believers. We should be constantly refined by Christ to become more like Him. Maybe that's why my last visit there was so sad (excepting 3 people). But maybe my expectation about change is too big.
Friday, November 10, 2006
oh crap
It's back again...that loss of control. I've got $100 in the bank. I just lost my major client. I'm sitting on 3 billable hours of work per week. I'm battling with anger over the position I've been placed in by others. My current place has very little to do with decisions that I made. I am choking to deal with that. I thought I was in control of my own life (lol). I need and want fellowship with believers to help deal with all this loss, but even that's been compromised lately. I am out to sea and it's scary as hell.
Then I found 1 Peter 4:1-2: "Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want." (The Message)
Oh crap.
And apparently worrying is not loving myself:
My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God! We're able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we're doing what he said, doing what pleases him. Again, this is God's command: to believe in his personally named Son, Jesus Christ. He told us to love each other, in line with the original command. As we keep his commands, we live deeply and surely in him, and he lives in us. And this is how we experience his deep and abiding presence in us: by the Spirit he gave us. (1 John 3:18-24, The Message, italics mine)
My head in some ways knows God is infinitely bigger than my circumstances, but I am still a rationalist. No matter that I've seen God perform miracles, I don't see them for me. I feel defeated, directionless, and alone. For the first time in my life I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm completely stripped of ambition. I am not depressed anymore, but I need a rescue so bad it hurts.
Then I found 1 Peter 4:1-2: "Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want." (The Message)
Oh crap.
And apparently worrying is not loving myself:
My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God! We're able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we're doing what he said, doing what pleases him. Again, this is God's command: to believe in his personally named Son, Jesus Christ. He told us to love each other, in line with the original command. As we keep his commands, we live deeply and surely in him, and he lives in us. And this is how we experience his deep and abiding presence in us: by the Spirit he gave us. (1 John 3:18-24, The Message, italics mine)
My head in some ways knows God is infinitely bigger than my circumstances, but I am still a rationalist. No matter that I've seen God perform miracles, I don't see them for me. I feel defeated, directionless, and alone. For the first time in my life I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm completely stripped of ambition. I am not depressed anymore, but I need a rescue so bad it hurts.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
zen and the art of voting in massachusetts
so, i arrived back in the commonwealth this morning on a flight that was about 30 minutes early. bonus. then i was all bold and got on the t with a suitcase...during morning rush hour. i had to stand on the blue line, but there was a riverside green line train empty and waiting for me when i got to government center. i scored a single seat with plenty of room to store my green atlantic rolley bag. bonus number two. ang picked me up at waban so i could retrieve ye olde civic, which was not broken into (there have been some car break-ins recently in that wealthy neighborhood). bonus number three. we chilled with baby johnny for a while and then i drove home. i decided sleep was more important than eating so i napped and laid around until about 3pm. then came the inner debate. to vote or not to vote.
i debated this for about 4 hours, whence i discovered the turnout was higher than expected. this didn't bode well for my candidates/issues, so i made my way to the polling place the governmental website said was mine. it seemed kinda far away, but massachusetts is weird, so i went with it. i entered the hub of quincy old folk life--the senior center on southern artery--at about 7:20, expecting to connect my arrows with a magic marker and make my exit quickly. unfortunately, it was not that easy. i was in the wrong place. after having to say "willow street" about 5 times (not exaggerating) to the old ladies at the check-in table, they said i had to go somewhere else. they weren't quick to say where that somewhere else was. eventually, someone looked up the cryptic numbering of wards and precincts, and i was on my way to a school closer to my house. i entered, waited again, repeated "williow street" to the old ladies 3 times, and was AGAIN told i was in the wrong place. they said i needed to go to some elementary school even closer to my house. this had to be the right place. by this time it was about 7:45 and i was beginning to feel disenfranchised--the girl who wasn't even going to vote an hour before was screaming in her head about her democratic right to piss on the local majority party. i finally got to the school and said "willow street" 2 times to the old ladies, said 146 once, and my name once. (they never ID'd me and i had a clear view of the register...talk about easy to defraud this election!) AND THEY GAVE ME A BALLOT! yea! i trotted over to the mini jeopardy-partitioned desk and connected my arrows with the black magic marker. boo on you ted kennedy (neither he nor the republican even campaigned for this seat--i didn't know he was up for reelection until i checked the online ballot). boo on you deval "i defend malicious rapists and write to them in prison but i'm a hot black man" patrick. yea for wine in grocery stores (the liquor store lobby was the one against this proposition...hmmm...). i think the only one i might win on is the last. i'm sure i'll pay more in taxes the next few years and illegal aliens will have voting rights and driver licenses, but at least i get the wine at the grocery store--maybe i'll be able to afford it.
i debated this for about 4 hours, whence i discovered the turnout was higher than expected. this didn't bode well for my candidates/issues, so i made my way to the polling place the governmental website said was mine. it seemed kinda far away, but massachusetts is weird, so i went with it. i entered the hub of quincy old folk life--the senior center on southern artery--at about 7:20, expecting to connect my arrows with a magic marker and make my exit quickly. unfortunately, it was not that easy. i was in the wrong place. after having to say "willow street" about 5 times (not exaggerating) to the old ladies at the check-in table, they said i had to go somewhere else. they weren't quick to say where that somewhere else was. eventually, someone looked up the cryptic numbering of wards and precincts, and i was on my way to a school closer to my house. i entered, waited again, repeated "williow street" to the old ladies 3 times, and was AGAIN told i was in the wrong place. they said i needed to go to some elementary school even closer to my house. this had to be the right place. by this time it was about 7:45 and i was beginning to feel disenfranchised--the girl who wasn't even going to vote an hour before was screaming in her head about her democratic right to piss on the local majority party. i finally got to the school and said "willow street" 2 times to the old ladies, said 146 once, and my name once. (they never ID'd me and i had a clear view of the register...talk about easy to defraud this election!) AND THEY GAVE ME A BALLOT! yea! i trotted over to the mini jeopardy-partitioned desk and connected my arrows with the black magic marker. boo on you ted kennedy (neither he nor the republican even campaigned for this seat--i didn't know he was up for reelection until i checked the online ballot). boo on you deval "i defend malicious rapists and write to them in prison but i'm a hot black man" patrick. yea for wine in grocery stores (the liquor store lobby was the one against this proposition...hmmm...). i think the only one i might win on is the last. i'm sure i'll pay more in taxes the next few years and illegal aliens will have voting rights and driver licenses, but at least i get the wine at the grocery store--maybe i'll be able to afford it.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Simple Pleasures
After the CCPC meeting yesterday, I braved the Cambridge traffic (the choice was that traffic or the tunnel traffic) and stopped by my favorite grocery store (yes, I have a favorite grocery store) for fabulous cheap wine (Charles Shaw--3 Buck Chuck), perfect fresh bread, and other fantastic odds and ends. This wonderful store is Trader Joe's and I love it. Unfortunately there are always so many people in there that it's hard to browse. I would probably spend hundreds of dollars there if I actually had the chance to comb every square inch of the store.
The bonus of yesterday's trip was finding my holy grail of beer--Magic Hat Circus Boy. I've heard tell of this beer all summer. I couldn't find it anywhere. And there it sat at Trader Joe's across the aisle from my favorite 3 Buck Chuck shiraz. I waited until tonight to try one so it would be suitably chilled. It's a nice hefeweizen, hoppier than Harpoon's UFO (erstwhile my favorite beer). I'm not sure if Circus Boy has replaced UFO, but it's in the running. I'll have to do some more tasting...
The bonus of yesterday's trip was finding my holy grail of beer--Magic Hat Circus Boy. I've heard tell of this beer all summer. I couldn't find it anywhere. And there it sat at Trader Joe's across the aisle from my favorite 3 Buck Chuck shiraz. I waited until tonight to try one so it would be suitably chilled. It's a nice hefeweizen, hoppier than Harpoon's UFO (erstwhile my favorite beer). I'm not sure if Circus Boy has replaced UFO, but it's in the running. I'll have to do some more tasting...
Saturday, October 28, 2006
up late for no apparent reason...
...again. it's not that i've become an insomniac, but i've so irreparably tweaked my sleep schedule that i'm up to 1am just about every night. i faithfully set the alarm for 8:30am each morning, but i just snooze through it and get up at 11am unless i have something important to do in the morning. 10 hours of sleep. i always thought that was the amount i needed and now i know for sure. that's a whole lotta sleep. for what? to sit on the sofa and at my computer table? totally lame. maybe i'll sleep less if i work out more. hmmm....that's another experiment....
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Tears of the Saints
Check out this band Leeland. The lyrics to their song Tears of the Saints has been getting to me for the last week.
There are many prodigal sons
On our city streets they run
Searching for shelter
There are homes broken down
People's hopes have fallen to the ground
From failures
This is an emergency!
There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We're crying for them come back home
We're crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home
There are schools full of hatred
Even churches have forsaken
Love and mercy
May we see this generation
In it's state of desperation
For Your glory
This is an emergency!
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
And all Your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home
There are many prodigal sons
On our city streets they run
Searching for shelter
There are homes broken down
People's hopes have fallen to the ground
From failures
This is an emergency!
There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We're crying for them come back home
We're crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home
There are schools full of hatred
Even churches have forsaken
Love and mercy
May we see this generation
In it's state of desperation
For Your glory
This is an emergency!
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
And all Your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Raison D'Etre, Confirmation, and The Monastery
Since my career shift I've struggled more with my tendencies to be a doer and dismiss resting in God's presence. I just plain struggle with silence, rest, and waiting for the moving of the Holy Spirit. I'm nearly being forced to do just that. I can watch only so much TV and sleep late so many days before my appetite for those things ebbs. I have come to the end of myself making ministry here happen. I've come to the end of my plans for the vision God has for my life.
A couple weeks ago a friend prayed over me. Last weekend I retreated to nature. This week I had opportunities to share the love of God with people both with words and actions. If I didn't have this time on my hands, I don't think those opportunities would have arisen. They did not come from me, nor did the words. Sitting at the Justin McRoberts concert the other night, I had the profound recognition that this season is the Spirit being poured out over me. This is my time to soak in His Presence.
I went to church tonight and spent a great evening with Rob, Carissa, & Michelle. It flowed naturally and wasn't forced into a certain mold. A beautiful thing. I drove Michelle home and on the way she said how thankful she was for me being a part of our church. I wasn't expecting that at all and feel unworthy of it. It seems that I really am worshipping in the right place.
The capper of the evening was seeing the premiere of a new TLC series call the Monastery. It follows several men who join a cloister in the New Mexico desert for 40 days and nights. They are not just visitors here--they complete the same routine as the monks living in the monastery. The men run the gamut of spiritual and personal backgrounds. The common element between them in the episode was the struggle to practice silence as the monks do. Over and over the monks encouraged them in this practice, assuring them that it is necessary to hear God. I agree with them...I want to see more of this show.
A couple weeks ago a friend prayed over me. Last weekend I retreated to nature. This week I had opportunities to share the love of God with people both with words and actions. If I didn't have this time on my hands, I don't think those opportunities would have arisen. They did not come from me, nor did the words. Sitting at the Justin McRoberts concert the other night, I had the profound recognition that this season is the Spirit being poured out over me. This is my time to soak in His Presence.
I went to church tonight and spent a great evening with Rob, Carissa, & Michelle. It flowed naturally and wasn't forced into a certain mold. A beautiful thing. I drove Michelle home and on the way she said how thankful she was for me being a part of our church. I wasn't expecting that at all and feel unworthy of it. It seems that I really am worshipping in the right place.
The capper of the evening was seeing the premiere of a new TLC series call the Monastery. It follows several men who join a cloister in the New Mexico desert for 40 days and nights. They are not just visitors here--they complete the same routine as the monks living in the monastery. The men run the gamut of spiritual and personal backgrounds. The common element between them in the episode was the struggle to practice silence as the monks do. Over and over the monks encouraged them in this practice, assuring them that it is necessary to hear God. I agree with them...I want to see more of this show.
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